Stop asking How was school today To raise successful and mentally strong children ask these 7 questions

"My child won't tell me anything about their day!" This is a common concern I hear from parents in my psychotherapy office. They hope to get a glimpse into their child's world. But asking, "How was school today?" usually yields a one-word answer.

As a therapist and author of "13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don't Do," I encourage parents to ask questions that are thoughtful and foster meaningful conversations. When children reflect on their experiences, they practice skills like emotional awareness, problem-solving, and empathy, and develop a growth mindset.

Here are seven questions that not only foster constructive conversations but also help children become mentally strong:

1. "What was the best part of your day?"

This question encourages children to find the positive in their own minds. For children who don't like school or who dwell on their mistakes, answering this question helps them develop optimism and gratitude—both of which are protective factors for mental health.

Frame questions based on your own experience, such as, "The best part of my day was taking a walk during lunch break. How was it?" Your child can share a specific story, such as, "I played kickball during break."

2. "What mistake did you learn from today?"

This normalizes mistakes and encourages healthy risk-taking. Talking openly about mistakes reduces embarrassment and helps children see them as opportunities for growth.

Ask with curiosity, not judgment: "Was there anything that happened today that you would do differently next time?" This might lead them to say, "I forgot my library book, so I'll pack it tonight so I don't forget it."

3. "What were you proud of today?"

This is effective because it draws their attention to others and builds empathy. You'll also gain insight into your child's relationships and their values.

For example, to make the question more specific, ask, "Did you see anyone working hard on something today?" Your child might talk about a brave friend or pat themselves on the back by saying, "My friend forgot her breakfast, so I shared mine with her."

4. "What made today better?"

This question helps children recognize feelings like disappointment and frustration without dwelling on those experiences. It naturally opens the door to problem-solving and planning.

You can jokingly ask, "If you had a magic wand to change one thing about today, what would it be?" This can spark creative ideas, such as, "If I had more time for my art project, maybe I could have taken it home and finished it."

5. "Who did you help today?"

You can encourage children to adopt prosocial behaviors with questions like these. When you ask regularly, children begin to look for opportunities to help, and acts of kindness become second nature.

Ask about small contributions: "How did you help today?" They might remember something simple, like, "I helped the teacher distribute papers."

6. "What was the most interesting thing you learned today?"

This emphasizes curiosity rather than academic performance. Showing interest in the learning process inspires lifelong learning.

Encourage children to talk about what they've learned outside of their subjects. They might even share something fun, like, "I found out my teacher knows how to play the violin." Show interest and ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.

7. "What new thing would you like to try?"

This inspires children to look outside their comfort zone and encourages them to be adventurous. They don't have to be good at something to try something new—it's a learning experience.

If your child is hesitant to try new things, encourage them to experiment by asking, "Is there a club or activity you'd like to try?" If they know they don't always have to stick to the same routine, they may be more eager to try it.